This post probably won’t make sense if you have not seen the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, so I you want context, go watch it. The post will still be here.
I happen to love Groot. It is a common tool that Adam uses to show me clips of Groot; they make me smile. Today after an awkward morning I was thinking about how Baby Groot fits in with the Guardians of the Galaxy Team.
I went to meet with my old supervisor this morning to go over my final evaluation, I put on my chaplain clothes, and nothing felt like it fit. Of course, it was raining so I just needed to get out the door, ugly shoes and all. I couldn’t listen to music or a book because driving takes far too much concentration for me now. I was left alone with my anxiety and stories about how the meeting would go. Most of my anxiety is rooted in not being able to give a timeline for my recovery or even a clear diagnosis of what is going on. The amount of blood and other samples that I have given in the past two months, I would’ve hope could’ve yielded some sort of answer.
The meeting felt awkward, I miss my hospital, coworkers and job; and despite how I look I am still not capable of doing the job, right now. As I was leaving the hospital, Adam sent me a clip of scenes involving Baby Groot and I kept thinking about how much I love that movie, how much it makes me smile and laugh. As I drove to another appointment, I thought about how different that movie would be without Baby Groot.
Even though his form is completely different from the first movie, he is still part of the team and his tribe. He is taken care of and nurtured by the rest of the guardians throughout the movie. He also drives them crazy, but that is life. I feel like that now, and unfortunately, I have been here before, attempting to rebuild, to grow into something new again. There are a few people that I have gathered around me, that remind me they still love me, and it is okay to be where I am.
They remind me that it is okay that I must practice fine motor skills, that I have trouble following conversations and that I need to lay down. They remind me to take my time and not rush it, but I worry. I worry about patience wearing out.
I see something in Baby Groot that makes me smile and brings me joy, so for now that is my model. That transformation is still surrounded by love and care. That the people around me are much more patient and liberal with grace than my own mind.
Question of the day: What or who inspires you? What are you reading or listening to that gives you meaning in your own adventure?