My Grandmother was an amazing cook, she also made the best ham sandwiches in the world. I remember working to replicate them over and over as a kid. Same bread, same ham, same everything and it never tasted the same. I was focused on recreating something that was special and unique. Every moment, every person is special and unique, it cannot be recreated.
The secret to the best ham sandwiches in the world is the state I was in when I consumed them. I was grateful, loved, safe and calm. Those are a few words that I associate with being in my grandparents' house, surrounded by family and usually eating (I am part Italian).
Today after class after getting the photo from my mom I began thinking about my parents. I thought about how my mom makes the best chocolate cake, salads and the best tuna fish sandwiches. My Dad makes the best breakfast burritos and salmon. Do they taste the same every time? Of course not, when someone makes a meal they are creating something not recreating something from the past. However those particular meals do provide an environment in which I create state of enjoyment, of being present.
So I could focus on the loss I feel never being able to have those ham sandwiches again. I want to practice that calm and still state, so I focus on the gift my grandmother gave me. I use those memories as fuel, to change my physiology, language and focus.
Do I miss my grandparents? Of course, but why focus on that. Why focus on the loss? There are so many great memories and experiences that I could focus on instead. I can use those memories and emotions as vehicles to put me in a useful state so that I am better able to help people, write, take care of Sterling anything I want to do.
It is actually pretty simple, shift focus to what you want!