Friday, November 21, 2014

The different forms of excitement

I woke up yesterday so excited, not really for a particular reason.  Someone might say "unreasonably excited,"  in fact that was the response my yoga teacher Kim gave.  I was excited about life and all the things I was going to get to do that day, including a doctor's visit.

So I got out of my yoga class feeling great, super optimistic about my doctor's visit, kinda of going through the yearly check list in my mind.  My doctor and I had a brief chat about life, Adam and traveling, and then I got to put my feet up in the stirrups.  

If you have have been reading my blog for a while, then you might be familiar with Adam's and my journey with fertility treatments, and that I tend to  have ovarian cysts from time to time.  These cysts can grow quite large and can cause pain, discomfort and even affect my range of motion in yoga poses.  So I was really hoping that my doctor would not want to order an ultrasound, just to get a better idea of what was going on.  Unfortunately expectations tend to kick me in the ass.   

So I walked out of the doctor's office with my ultrasound orders and feeling scared, upset and doubtful.  My mind began to spin stories about how I wasn't good enough, how there was something wrong with me, and all the work I have been doing doesn't matter.   Luck would have it, that as I drove home there was a traffic jam and I got to sit parked in my car for about 20 minutes.   I got to sit with myself and breathe.  I was granted this opportunity to really ask myself some tough questions.  The first one is do I really believe what I say I believe.  Do I really believe that I can give things empowering meanings, that I can focus on what I have, that anything can be used to my advantage?

The next set of questions I started asking myself, was about why am I doing yoga, qigong, meditation and studying Dao?   Am I doing it to get something?  Do I wake up before the sunrise to do my physical practice only to heal my body?  

Here is what I came up with as I sat with myself.  First I don't know what anything means right now, all I know is my doctor wants a better look at my ovaries.  Who am I to say that my body isn't healing perfectly, and right on time?   

As soon as I got home I called Ashley and we signed up for a half-marathon!   Because I know that my body is healthy and strong,  because I trust the path I am on.  Because I do believe what I say I believe, this just serves as a good reminder to have trust and patience.  

In the morning I was feeling that super bubbly type of excitement, walking out of my doctor's office I felt the scared type of excitement, talking to Ashley I went back to bubbly excitement  and finally I ended the day with a passionate type of excitement to keep going, to keep walking, to find out what happens next.   

Yesterday I had to change my focus to what I have experienced in the last couple of years.  

I am happy!!!       

Question to consider:  Do you have any tips for training for a half marathon?     

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