Tuesday, December 16, 2014


I love Adam!  I love him a lot.  When I get back from a trip there is always a kind of rough period for both of us.  Sometimes it can even be after a quick get away.   There seems to be some rough waters for a while.

This last time when I got back from Nepal, I was dealing with some reverse culture shock.  To the point where I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night, not know where I was and wondering why someone was sleeping next to me.  I would calm down rather quickly, still for a couple of weeks my sleep was disturbed.  These rough waters of Adam and I getting to know each other, show up in all kinds of ways.   However, one night during a particularly tense dinner, we both texted our teacher asking for help (at the same time.)   Honestly we needed a translator, we just weren't communicating.

So we met with our teacher the next day and talked things out.  There was one thing he said, that totally confused me in the moment, he told us to become each other's talismans.  A talisman is generally something that changes your focus, it attracts good things to you.   Our teacher began to describe how often times we tend to use our spouse as someone that we can vent to, we can take things out on, and we forget how precious they are.  Basically it had gotten to the point where neither Adam and I were looking forward to seeing one another because of all the tension, and changes we had both gone through.    He suggested we change that focus.

I didn't understand this point, until I came home from work a couple of days later.  I wasn't in a great mood, the moment I saw Sterling however my state changed.  I was excited to love on my puppy, to play with him, and my stress faded into the background of my mind.  I realized that Sterling had become a talisman for me.  He brought out my playful side, my energetic side and my happy side.   

If I could do that with Sterling, who frankly drives me completely bonkers.  I can easily do that with Adam.   I can focus on the good things, I can focus on being my best self around him, and give us both time and space when the tension just gets to be too much.  One reason I married him is because he does help me bring out my best self and I want to be her as often as possible.  

Since that realization I have begun to look at the talismans in my life whether they are people, animals or objects.  It has been an interesting journey to observe how something simply can trigger a pattern and bring me to a state.   

Question to consider:  What is a talisman in your life?  What triggers you to change your state?

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