Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Meal time

I am either a terrible blogger or a wonderful blogger because I didn't take a bunch of photos of my time in the hopsital or my incisisons.  I did take a photo when I was served breakfast to show Adam that I was being taken care of.  I ended up having to spend the night in the hospital, so that they could monitor me, and Adam wanted to ensure that someone was watching out for me.    

So I had some good moments of confusion in the night, I thought one of my nurses was one of my good friends, and I started telling her how excited I was for her trip.   I had the moment when I forgot I was still attached to my IV.   Mostly the confusion is about reminding myself that I am still able to get out of bed, I can still make decisions for myself even if my mind is cloudy, and that it is totally okay to be confused once in a while.   

People generally treat you with kindness and are very gentle about correcting your mistakes.  I tend to worry about how judgemental I think people are, I have slowly realized I am really the judgemental one, I tend to judge myself, and judge myself harshly.  It isn't other people, it is really my inner conversation that is judgemental and unkind.  So what happens when I stop listening to that voice, when I stop giving that voice power to make me feel poorly about myself for making a mistake?   

What happens is I care more about being happy than being right.  In fact I enjoy the times I am wrong, because I see it as a lesson on how to improve instead of some sort of proof that I am a horrible person.   (I don't write that lightly, I really used to believe I was a horrible person.)    

Question to consider:  What is your inner voice like?  When do you chose to listen to it?

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