The Greek philosopher Epictetus said more than 2,000 years ago: "People are disturbed, not by things (that happen to them), but by the principles and opinions which they form concerning (those) things. When we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles and opinions."
I have been thinking about this quote a lot lately. As I talk to people, as I figure out how to manage the pain and fear associated with my surgery. As I focus on being kind to myself, which generally means I need to stop pushing myself so much. So why do I push myself? Why do I smile through the pain? Why do I agree to a fully scheduled weekend, when I know I just want to rest?
Appreances, wanting to be more than I am. Worries that if I just say I am going to sit at home for another week, that I won't be enough. That is all my story, my mind. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful, if I simply ask for what I need to help when I need it. I trust someone would provide it, sometimes I am afraid to ask. I am afraid to be vulnerable.
I see so many things when I look out these windows, and I feel at peace. In this moment there is nothing that I need. However as I go about my day and still need to listen to my body, I need to eat, drink, sleep, play and rest. Right now all I want is to create the best atmosphere for healing which means I need to ask for what I need help with.