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Showing posts from April, 2015

May Third

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Has it already been a year?  Has it really been three years since I started this blog.  I started with the simple focus, to find something that made me smile every day.   To look for the good in my life, despite or maybe inspite of all the pain and difficulty that life seemed to be.    
I find it difficult to keep the perspective about how far I have come in the last three years.   I find it very  difficult to see the changes that I have been through in the past year as I explored healing and teaching.   I still find myself worrying before each yoga class, I still find myself questioning if I will be enough in the moment with the people that I work with.  Yet I continue to teach classes, I continue to visit with my patients, and I even accept new offers to practice my skills.  I think I expected that at one point it would be easy.  I would simply feel like I knew what I was doing and then I would be enough.   
Life continues to throw curve balls and more challenges so that I never quite…

Prayers

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I was camping in Yosemite last week with limited communication, for most of the trip I turned off my cell service and just used my phone to take photos.  However at one point I did have limited service and I received some cryptic messages from friends and family.  All of them were along the lines of:  "Thinking about you, so sad about Nepal."
My curiosity was peaked however I had limited communication and didn't want to run around attempting to find a better signal.  So I waited until we were back on the road to check the news.  
The mix and intensity of the emotions that surged up when I saw the news about the earthquake is too difficult to put into words.   Even now I am still not quite sure what I am feeling as I wait to hear from friends, as I wait to find out about travel plans basically as I wait for some sort of information.   
I know that the monks at the monastery are safe, they are sleeping outside and here is a photo of them saying their prayers.  I also know it …

Sterling Sunday

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Sterling sunday

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The dreaded question...

When I meet new people, there is a question that I dread to answer, ever since I left working at the hospital.  "What do you do?"  I find this to be especially uncomfortable when I am at a function associated with Adam's work.   I still feel the need to say "I used to...."   I feel the need to establish, that I am a person with multiple degrees and experience in the scientific field.  Really the truth is that it is not easy to define what exactly I do now, how I fill my days.   I am not earning pay check, I am not raising a family and so it is difficult for me to quanitfy my worth.  
I have discovered, that the judgement I worry about never happens.  Once I get over my inital giggle, and start talking about the different things I am passionate about, people either ask questions or move on.    The judgement about worth is an internal dialogue, that exists only in my head.  
However I struggle, I struggle to accept my place in the world.  It is not really that diff…

Love songs

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I have this amazing yoga teacher in my life, Kim.   I am fortunate enough to be able to take one of her women's classes on Thursday pretty often.  It is a class that is so special and unique, that I do everything I can to make her class.  Which sometimes involves leaving early or arriving a bit late, she simply embraces it all.  

There was one class in particular when we were laying down in savasana, that she began playing a love song.  She told us to imagine singing that song to ourselves.  I do not remember the particular song, I remember the tears that came out of my eyes and the way that I struggled with the particular exercise.  
I am a pretty loving person, I tend to give a lot of myself to others.  I am pretty accepting of other people, including their "dark" sides.  However I tend to be extremely hard on myself, even to the point where I make up stories to collaborate the ways I am not good, not enough.  (I am sure I am completely alone in this and no one can rela…

Sterling Sunday

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Oops!

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I forgot my Sterling Sunday photo and I have been neglecting this blog lately.  I wanted to share this photo, and break a rule of my blog.
I love my cuddle time with Sterling, just like I love playing with him, walking him, watching him play, just taking care of this little guy (I am including the sleepless nights and cleaning up the many, many messes).   He reminds me all the time that things aren't such a big deal, seriously the pup tore his ACL and is pouting when I leave to go on my runs in the morning, which means I get to schedule extra time to take him for a little bit of a walk.   
He is my little healer, not only does he help me when something is going on, he reminds me how easily healing can happen if the simple things are taken care of.  Sterling knows how to take care of his body, he eats, drinks, sleeps, rests, relaxes and plays.   When all of those things are taken care of healing happens and a torn ACL isn't such a big deal to a little tiny pup.   
He can serve as …