Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Love songs

I have this amazing yoga teacher in my life, Kim.   I am fortunate enough to be able to take one of her women's classes on Thursday pretty often.  It is a class that is so special and unique, that I do everything I can to make her class.  Which sometimes involves leaving early or arriving a bit late, she simply embraces it all.  

There was one class in particular when we were laying down in savasana, that she began playing a love song.  She told us to imagine singing that song to ourselves.  I do not remember the particular song, I remember the tears that came out of my eyes and the way that I struggled with the particular exercise.  

I am a pretty loving person, I tend to give a lot of myself to others.  I am pretty accepting of other people, including their "dark" sides.  However I tend to be extremely hard on myself, even to the point where I make up stories to collaborate the ways I am not good, not enough.  (I am sure I am completely alone in this and no one can relate to this feeling.....that was sarcasm by the way.)   I was recently given some homework from one of my teachers to write down five things I am grateful for, things that I do for myself, things about myself; and I still don't understand the assignment.   I keep writing things down though, and maybe one day I will learn, maybe one day they will get more creative.

Today I challenged myself.  A song I absolutely love popped up on my pandora station, and so I paused it.  I sang the entire song outloud to myself looking in the mirror.   (Okay so sometimes I made eye contact, sometimes I was looking anywhere else.)   I stayed in that space for the entirety of the song, singing a love song simply to myself.  

Maybe this is an example of "fake it til you make it."   Maybe this is an example of me being goofy and playing.   Maybe this was just a way for me to figure out that even in the briefest moments, I can look myself in the eye, stare into my soul and say "every little thing she does is magic."   Change starts with a moment.

Question to consider: What love song is in your heart?  What will you sing to yourself?   


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