Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Creating? Destroying?

Ashley and I both finished the Tinkerbell Half-Marathon.   As we walked past the finished the first aid tent was right there with people handing out ice, band aids, bio-freeze ect.   I was feeling pretty good and so I kept walking, looking at the ice wondering if it would make sense to just grab it.   At that point I really just wanted to keep moving and my body felt pretty good.   As I took some more steps my legs began to lock up a little bit and my right knee hurt.    Eventually the pain and instability was too much and I wanted to find a shady spot to sit down.  

Pain can provide some pretty good focus about attending to your immediate needs.   However my thoughts also started running and I thought about how difficult running can be on the body.   How there are plenty of people that recommend other activities for fitness and wondering if running was worth it to me.  If breaking myself down was worth it to create someone that tends to run.  

The whole idea of no pain no gain, is something celebrated in this culture.  "Just push through the pain, just keep going, it is all in your head, the mind gives up before the body....."   All of these sayings  that inspire us to keep going to keep training can be twisted to the point that we break and hurt ourselves.   It is using the idea of destruction rather than creation to get what we want.   

The destruction cycle might seem like a stronger and faster way of getting things done.  "I don't want this so I will do all these other things."   However in the end if the focus is on what you don't want, how do you get to what you do want?    

I signed up for this race and I did the training as another way to connect with my best friend.  She inspires me so much with her running and I wanted to explore what it is like to set a goal and complete it.    

So in the end what was I creating?   I was creating someone that has experienced training, pushing too hard and eventually listening to the body.  I was also creating someone that continues to stay active and move, even if running isn't feasible right now.   

Mostly I will be grateful for the three and a half hours I got to spend with my oldest friend!   

Saturday, May 9, 2015

This is it!

Trust your training!
Trust your training!
Trust your training!

On the day of the Boston marathon I read a very inspiring post from a runner.  The whole idea of trusting your training was very emotional for me, knowing that I was going to be running the Tinkerbell Half-marathon in a few short weeks.  Tomorrow Ashley and I will get up at a stupid time to go stand out and wait for the race to start.  At this point I still don't know if I will run all of it, some of it or none of it.   I was feeling a little bit like a failure for pushing my limits too fast and jeoparizing the race.  

So I started thinking about what my training was in the first place.  Yes my training was to run, was to prepare my body and mind for running a unfathomable distance to me.  The training was about expanding my mind and finding out what my body could do with every given breath.  The training was about learning to enjoy a new hobby (one I previously hated).  

My specific training taught me a bit more than that.  I learned that I really enjoy trail running and getting lost in the woods, not so much running on a track or on pavement.   I learned that I had a ton of stories about how far I could run and how my body would feel running.  I started to learn that I could use the strong emotions that came up for energy to motivate me to keep going. I also learned the importance of conditioning, listening to the body, and not simply focusing on the result.  

I wish I could say it doesn't matter to me if I finish the race, I wish I could say that my ego is not involved in me pushing myself so much, that is not true.  However the most important thing, and the thing that has always been the most important about this race is I get to spend some time with Ashley!   That is where I will put my focus, on being present with her.   On enjoying our girls' weekend with another friend and who knows how many more we will meet.

The training is not just about the race, the training is also about having gratitude for each step, for all the employees and volunteers that work to make these events special.   The training is always about how to love and serve the world in different ways.

Lenore trust your training!  Trust that every moment of your life prepares you for the next moment, trust that you are enough and trust your heart!

Question to consider: Where do you need to put your trust today, in this moment?

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Cause and Effect

So I signed up for a half-marathon way back in December.  I decided at that moment that I was willing to put myself through the training so that I would be able to cross the finish line in the happiest place on earth with my best friend.    I decided my body was capable of running 13.1 miles, even though I had never run that far before.    As I started the training, I had a couple of little set backs, a fall that kept me from running for a week, and the normal aches of pushing my body to do something new.   Then the setbacks became a little bit larger and I was advised to stop running and then I had surgery.   I had no idea how was going to complete my training and get ready for the race.  

So once I was cleared by my doctor, I started running again and I pushed it.   I pushed it way too much, and I ended up with another injury.  I ended up not only having to take a break from running, also from yoga, from my daily activities.   I was told to sit on the couch with a heating pad and watch movies.  

Which also meant I got to sit with myself, with my mind and make up all kinds of stories about what a bad person I am.  About how I am not enough.   Basically I made up a soap opera in my head, to the point that even though I was laying down I was in no way resting or helping myself get better.   

So this morning I got up 4, I took my shower and got ready for the day.  I headed to class and about 20 minutes in I threw in the towel.  I hit that point where I was done torturing my body attempting to prove that I was strong enough to still function despite the pain.   I was done.   So I drove home, sent an E-mail to my supervisor and crawled back into bed with Adam, Sterling and my heating pad.  

I was finally able to take the emotion out of the situation.  I pushed myself too hard, too fast and for too long; so now I get to rest and recover.  My running training program talks about the damage athletes do by not resting, by not taking time to recover, by simply not listening to their bodies.  

So here I am listening to my body and hanging out with my heating pad.  I don't know what Sunday morning will bring.  I may get to finish the race, I may get picked up in the first mile.  It doesn't matter.  I still get to be in the happiest place on earth with my best friends.   I still get to put on my green sparkly skirt and know that my body is strong enough, that I am enough regardless of my ability to run 13.1 miles on Sunday.

Question to consider: What does your body need today?