So once I was cleared by my doctor, I started running again and I pushed it. I pushed it way too much, and I ended up with another injury. I ended up not only having to take a break from running, also from yoga, from my daily activities. I was told to sit on the couch with a heating pad and watch movies.
Which also meant I got to sit with myself, with my mind and make up all kinds of stories about what a bad person I am. About how I am not enough. Basically I made up a soap opera in my head, to the point that even though I was laying down I was in no way resting or helping myself get better.
So this morning I got up 4, I took my shower and got ready for the day. I headed to class and about 20 minutes in I threw in the towel. I hit that point where I was done torturing my body attempting to prove that I was strong enough to still function despite the pain. I was done. So I drove home, sent an E-mail to my supervisor and crawled back into bed with Adam, Sterling and my heating pad.
I was finally able to take the emotion out of the situation. I pushed myself too hard, too fast and for too long; so now I get to rest and recover. My running training program talks about the damage athletes do by not resting, by not taking time to recover, by simply not listening to their bodies.
So here I am listening to my body and hanging out with my heating pad. I don't know what Sunday morning will bring. I may get to finish the race, I may get picked up in the first mile. It doesn't matter. I still get to be in the happiest place on earth with my best friends. I still get to put on my green sparkly skirt and know that my body is strong enough, that I am enough regardless of my ability to run 13.1 miles on Sunday.