I was distracted by work and by upcoming travel plans that were constantly in a state of flux. I just let the blog fall away, and thought it might just fade away into something I did once. As I filled my life up with more and more, maybe this would become less significant.
Then I went to Greece for three weeks. I went to attend a yoga teacher training, and between the hours of yoga and theory, I started writing in my journal a lot. I started reading a book for fun, and my reactions to it provided inspiration to journal out my feelings that came up during the teacher training.
I came back home, looking to cultivating a personal physical practice. To explore what it was like to find my inner teacher, to find inspiration within myself. To not rely on classes for my practice, instead to explore the teachings I had been given. To go deeper with them, instead of constantly adding more. I started to feel like always adding more was letting gems of wisdom slip away, areas that I wanted to explore get covered up by this need to "know" more.
I set my alarm earlier, and started to see what happened. It has not been smooth, it has been really rough, to find that teacher. She is there, I just need to get silent enough to hear her.
One morning I walked back downstairs after my practice and I had this thought. This thought started as a whisper, and got much louder. As I wondered what to focus on, as I was struggling to figure out how to juggle everything I wanted to do. I walked down the stairs one at a time, and thought "damn it." I tend to have the reaction when something clicks, when I know what to do and I may not feel ready to do it. I have also learned that the rapid heart rate, shallow breathing, and general anxiety leave when I make a move.
So this fourth year is dedicated to finding, listening to and speaking my voice. More importantly it will be dedicated to exploring what that means. On June 29th, 2016 the fourth year will be up.