Thursday, June 11, 2015

Enough, enough, enough...

A very good friend of mine told me to "enjoy paradise."    Halfway through the teacher training, my joints are aching, my emotions are a mess, and the amount of information coming at me is staggering.  So I sat down in the middle of class today to write, to ask myself the question.   "How can I see myself as enough?"   

How do I see myself as enough when I feel completely overwhelmed and small?   I feel like most moments in class I am constantly making adjustments to my body, rotating body parts in opposite directions, beginning to grasp that there is a difference between tension and stretching, between relaxation and collapsing.   (Note I still don't know what those differences might be, just beginning to grasp that there is a difference.)   So I was standing in a warrior pose and making adjustment after adjustment, scanning my body and I realized that I might would never be in the "perfect" warrior pose. For me that instantly meant that I would never be enough, that I might as well quit, because the mountain is way too high.

So I sat down on my mat and wrote and cried a little.  A voice came into my head, "you only need enough energy for the next step."   So I accepted in that moment that my next step was getting my thoughts out of my head on to the paper and breathing.  The warrior pose could wait, the next pose in the sequence could wait, even my writing could wait, breath could not wait.   

So I began some self inquiry to figure out when and where I felt like "enough"  the past couple of days. Since nothing came to mind, I simply decided that I am too tired, too zoomed in on the situation to grasp perspective right now and went back to my breath.

I would love to say that breathing fixxed it, and I suddenly felt happy and enough and all those other good things.  The reality is that breathing just helped remind me that my heart was beating, and the ground was beneath me.  Sometimes that is ENOUGH...

Question of the Day:  I tend to link "enough" and this bizzare idea of perfection I have in my head.  When do you see that you are enough in your life?   

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