Friday, August 21, 2015


What happens when you set a standard for yourself when you are 12 years old?  I am sure that I set a bunch of standards for myself when I was 12, that I have completely let go and don't even remember what they are.

There is one clear standard has remained from when I 12.  When my Great-Uncle died, I refused to go the hospital to say good bye to him.  I can still remember the anger I expressed to my parents because I decided they had given up on him.   I remember yelling "he can still get better, he has before."   I remember trashing my room, when my Dad left to go the hospital.  I remember my heart breaking when my Dad told me my Great Uncle passed away.  In that moment, I made myself a promise, I set a standard to avoid feeling that type of pain again.   That I would always go say good bye to someone I loved who might be dying, if possible.  I would not be afraid of going into hospitals, hospices or any other place.  I would be there for my loved ones.  

In reality, there is still pain associated with loss of a loved one.  Sometimes it is dramatic and sometimes it is a slow ache.   Yesterday I got a call asking me to pray for my cousin who is in ICU, and my mom asked if I could go.   There seems to be a lack of information, because we get to wait.   Wait to see if she heals.   I have been fighting an infection and need a couple of days to rest.  When I told my mom that, I was suddenly that 12 year old girl again.   

Not in terms of throwing a temper tantrum, but in terms of feeling vulnerable and exposed.  So I will wait, wait for more information, wait for my body to heal.   I will love that little 12 year old girl, that was in so much pain, say my prayers and accept that right now that is enough.   

Question to consider:  What standards did you set as a child that you still follow today?  

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