There is one clear standard has remained from when I 12. When my Great-Uncle died, I refused to go the hospital to say good bye to him. I can still remember the anger I expressed to my parents because I decided they had given up on him. I remember yelling "he can still get better, he has before." I remember trashing my room, when my Dad left to go the hospital. I remember my heart breaking when my Dad told me my Great Uncle passed away. In that moment, I made myself a promise, I set a standard to avoid feeling that type of pain again. That I would always go say good bye to someone I loved who might be dying, if possible. I would not be afraid of going into hospitals, hospices or any other place. I would be there for my loved ones.
In reality, there is still pain associated with loss of a loved one. Sometimes it is dramatic and sometimes it is a slow ache. Yesterday I got a call asking me to pray for my cousin who is in ICU, and my mom asked if I could go. There seems to be a lack of information, because we get to wait. Wait to see if she heals. I have been fighting an infection and need a couple of days to rest. When I told my mom that, I was suddenly that 12 year old girl again.
Not in terms of throwing a temper tantrum, but in terms of feeling vulnerable and exposed. So I will wait, wait for more information, wait for my body to heal. I will love that little 12 year old girl, that was in so much pain, say my prayers and accept that right now that is enough.
Question to consider: What standards did you set as a child that you still follow today?