This morning I had a few moments when I felt like "myself" again. So I looked around for something to do and after putting in a load of laundry I sat down in front of my ipad to color. I have been watching some talks on vulnerability, so I decided to put those on while I colored dragons.
I loved coloring as a child, I was never very good at drawing, I loved to color. To add something to someone else's work, to have the freedom to decide if if was the clouds or the sky. To watch a black and white drawing that already had so much life change and evolve. When I first bought this coloring book, Adam had to talk me into it. The drawings are so spectacular, that I was worried about ruining the art. I didn't want to make a mistake, the art kept calling to me though. So I finally started, just by coloring the trees, and watched the art evolve and the lines tell me what to color and what to leave.
I got stuck with frustration of not having the colors I wanted, and not having the skill to mix the colors properly to get the exact color I wanted the castles to be. Finally I just started testing colors, and saw new possiblities.
As I continue to work my way through this coloring book I am completely intimidated by all the blank space, by the artist that created the work, and I feel small. I wonder how I can possibly add to the picture.
So I look at what the artist himself wrote: "Color it in. Don't color it in. Make Mistakes. Make it your own."
Everytime I sit down to color, I read those words, and when I worry about making a mistake, I say them outloud. Because as I color I am practicing being kind and gentle with myself. I am practicing being creative and falling down and learning to pick myself up. I am learning to zoom out and expand. I am remembering what it was like to be a child.