Monday, November 30, 2015

Gifts

When I was in college I started to have panic attacks, it started out just occasionally, and then I started having them once or twice a week.  So I finally went to someone to talk about what was going on, and they decided in addition to working on biofeedback therapy to start me on some medication to get me through the last few weeks of the semester.  At this time, the medication was not the best thing for my system and I started having 3-4 panic attacks a day.  Which meant I was very comitted to the biofeedback therapy and the exercises the therapist was helping me with.  Eventually the doctor agreed that he medication was not helpful in this case and I was safely weaned off of it.     I still had panic attacks and anxiety attacks but those few weeks had taught me a lot about my triggers and things I could do to help.  Eventually I just occasionally had anxiety attacks, and rarely a panic attack.

The past few weeks I have been having a lot of anxiety attacks in the grocery store (a common trigger).  Grocery shopping, food preparation and even eating have been a source of overstimulating my nervous system.   As Thanksgiving approached I grew even more and more anxious.  I was running out of recipe ideas with limited ingredients and was stressed about going to a Thanksgiving meal and not being able to eat anything that was provided. 

There are no words to describe the gratitude I felt when my friend, Victoria, who was hosting Thanksgiving told me she had made some food especially for me folloing my diet and so I had no need to pack a lunch.   It was the first time in weeks, since I started this elimination diet that someone had prepared food for me.  It gave me the gift of being able to be a guest.   Adam was there when I got the message and I just started crying.

In addition to allowing me to be a guest, she also gave me some hope and inspiration to get back to the kitchen and keep experimenting.   To keep going!   She reminded me that I am worth a lot more then this illness is telling me I am worth.  

It opened the door for me to notice all the opportunities being given to me for someone to take are of me.  Adam helping to bundle me up and come up with new ideas to help keep me warm.   Adam reminding me to laugh and to get out of the house to see friends even if I got tired, even if I spend the next couple hours resting.   

I am so thankful for Victoria this weekend for being such a magnificent host and creating space for me to heal and be loved. 

Question to consider:  What are you thankful for today?

1 comment:

  1. How beautiful! How timely. As I am on a similar style elimination diet, I understand the food anxiety. At Thanksgiving I was told by my family that we wouldn't have any special food for me and that I am weird - completely the opposite of the support and comfort one might wish for.

    Victoria is such a lovely and thoughtful soul to take your current diet into consideration and then to spend her precious gift of time and effort for you is sweet and generous. I encourage you, Lenore, to think the same thoughts of yourself as you have expressed for Victoria. Every day you feed yourself from a limited list, a true act of self love, and you feed others too! You are providing a healing and loving space for yourself just by opening up to the possibilities of total health. I'm so proud of you. I learn so much from you and am glad to call you my friend. Blessings of eternal love and healing to you.

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