So these are the moments I get to practice, I get to feel what my body is doing and send it signals to relax the muscles that are gripping and spasming. I get to pay attention to how I am walking and see if I can change something to make myself a bit more comfortable.
After a couple of blocks, I looked at Adam and said I needed to sit down. He was kind of enough to take Sterling back to the house and come get me in the car. I cried a lot, and when we got home, we got out the heating pads and Adam helped me get into a comfortable position.
Needless to say on Monday when I locked the door and started my walk I was worried. I was worried the pain would be too much and I would be "stuck" somewhere. I have this fear a lot, this fear of canceling plans at the last minute, of having to leave dinners early, of simply not having enough energy to face the day. I have this fear that I won't be loved if I chose to take care of myself and stay home, or leave early or walk super slow ect.....
The funny thing is in the last couple of months a lot of these situations have happened. I have sat crying in my car for an hour before I was able to drive, I have arrived to appointments late, I have left early...and I am still okay. I am still surrounded by people that love me.
So I will continue to walk everyday, with the faith that I will get stronger. The faith that I will not merely survive but will thrive with the cards I have been dealt. I have a great medical team and great support, so something will help, and I will continue looking. I will continue to say "yes!"
Question to consider: What do you have faith in? What enables you to say "yes" day after day?