Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Sitting on the Curb

I have been walking a lot lately.  The first day I started walking again, I went out to some trails I usually run on, and found how much I missed being amoung those trees.    So I have been walking eveyday, and somedays I am able to walk for 45 minutes some days I only make it about 20.   This weekend however, I felt like I barely made it out of the door with Adam and Sterling when the pain began intensifying.  

So these are the moments I get to practice, I get to feel what my body is doing and send it signals to relax the muscles that are gripping and spasming.   I get to pay attention to how I am walking and see if I can change something to make myself a bit more comfortable.  

After a couple of blocks, I looked at Adam and said I needed to sit down.  He was kind of enough to take Sterling back to the house and come get me in the car.  I cried a lot, and when we got home, we got out the heating pads and Adam helped me get into a comfortable position.  

Needless to say on Monday when I locked the door and started my walk I was worried.   I was worried the pain would be too much and I would be "stuck" somewhere.   I have this fear a lot, this fear of canceling plans at the last minute, of having to leave dinners early, of simply not having enough energy to face the day.   I have this fear that I won't be loved if I chose to take care of myself and stay home, or leave early or walk super slow ect.....

The funny thing is in the last couple of months a lot of these situations have happened.  I have sat crying in my car for an hour before I was able to drive, I have arrived to appointments late, I have left early...and I am still okay.   I am still surrounded by people that love me.  

So I will continue to walk everyday, with the faith that I will get stronger.  The faith that I will not merely survive but will thrive with the cards I have been dealt.  I have a great medical team and great support, so something will help, and I will continue looking.  I will continue to say "yes!"

Question to consider:  What do you have faith in?   What enables you to say "yes" day after day?

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