My original intent with this blog and my continued intent is to honor both the good and bad in life. To realize and accept that it the sun can be shining even when it is raining. My tendancy is to focus on what is wrong, it is the first thing I tend to see. I decided the best way to work with that is to learn to look for what I don't easily see and notice, to change my focus. Sometimes context requires us to zoom in and sometimes it requires us to zoom out, and a lucky few of practiced enough that they are able to grasp the entire scope all at once.
Grieving Sterling is going to take time, it is a process. For over a decade he has been a presence through all of my processes, he has been a source of love, joy, comfort and patience as I went through life. Now there is the opportunity to notice other sources, sources that were not seen because I focused on him. Nothing will replace his presence, he was unique and significant to me in ways that word will never capture. But that doesn't mean love, joy, comfort and patience are not all around me.
Sunday was a day that I looked forward to, I got to go through my photos of Sterling and pick one. I got to share a moment of my time with him and express my love and gratitude for him in a way that meant something to me. Last night as I climbed into bed and my eyes snapped awake I wondered what in the world will I focus my Sunday photo on? Was it disloyal to Sterling to start a different theme on Sunday? I decided that Sunday would still be a day to look forward to, and just go back to sharing a photo, maybe a story about a moment in the week that made me smile, and "Sunshine Sunday" popped into my head.
Nothing like remembering the light is there even in dark times to remind me that I can always change my focus. Both light and dark exist, both have their beauty and purpose, both have their time and place. Changing the focus is about accepting that I can chose to shift, to move or even stay still; it is not easy, it is not a quick fix, it is a commitment to doing the best I can in the moment. It is a commitment to not staying lost in the dark just because that is the first place my focus goes.