Saturday, October 22, 2016

3.5 miles

My planner is filled with numbers right now, numbers based on a training program for the Star Wars Rebel Challenge in January.  Twice a week I walk 30-45 minutes doing my best to stay on pace.  On the weekends I have longer walks, and this is where the numbers come in.  It is not a linear progression but somehow it works and the idea is that safely one will build up the endurance to safely completely a 10K and half marathon in two days.  

Confession time, I have been unable to walk more then 3.5 miles.  I wake up on the weekends look at my planner set out with a goal in mind and start walking.  Sometimes I don't make it very far, but for the most part at about 3.5 miles my body is communicating to me stop in one way or another.  

What do I do?  I keep getting up and walking.  I have no idea what will happen in January and my lack of confidence in my body breaks my heart.  Finishing these races is not supposed to be my focus, but I really like the idea of being able to finish.  I love the idea of being able to show myself that I am not as ill  as I feel a lot of the time.  I want to feel like my body is thriving again and not just surviving.  It is not useful metrics, but honestly the desire to finish is there.  Last week as I hobbled in the door Adam was a little concerned.  I just told him I needed to figure out another muscle imbalance.  However I felt really defeated.

This week as I worked on correcting the muscle imbalance and changed my stretches again.  I realized how lucky I am to be able to walk 3.5 miles, to have learned so much that I have the confidence I can help bring more balance to my body and help it function better.  Sometimes it doesn't feel like I am making progress at all because the finish line or the goal seems so big compared to where I am.  It is the little steps that will get me there. 

Perhaps the little steps will eventually lead to a giant leap forward and perhaps not.  I just know that 3-4 times a week I will continue to take this training one step at a time.  

Question to consider: What is a goal that you continue to strive for even if it seems to big for you?  What keeps you going through those moments when it feels like you might never improve? 

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