My planner is filled with numbers right now, numbers based on a training program for the Star Wars Rebel Challenge in January. Twice a week I walk 30-45 minutes doing my best to stay on pace. On the weekends I have longer walks, and this is where the numbers come in. It is not a linear progression but somehow it works and the idea is that safely one will build up the endurance to safely completely a 10K and half marathon in two days.
Confession time, I have been unable to walk more then 3.5 miles. I wake up on the weekends look at my planner set out with a goal in mind and start walking. Sometimes I don't make it very far, but for the most part at about 3.5 miles my body is communicating to me stop in one way or another.
What do I do? I keep getting up and walking. I have no idea what will happen in January and my lack of confidence in my body breaks my heart. Finishing these races is not supposed to be my focus, but I really like the idea of being able to finish. I love the idea of being able to show myself that I am not as ill as I feel a lot of the time. I want to feel like my body is thriving again and not just surviving. It is not useful metrics, but honestly the desire to finish is there. Last week as I hobbled in the door Adam was a little concerned. I just told him I needed to figure out another muscle imbalance. However I felt really defeated.
This week as I worked on correcting the muscle imbalance and changed my stretches again. I realized how lucky I am to be able to walk 3.5 miles, to have learned so much that I have the confidence I can help bring more balance to my body and help it function better. Sometimes it doesn't feel like I am making progress at all because the finish line or the goal seems so big compared to where I am. It is the little steps that will get me there.
Perhaps the little steps will eventually lead to a giant leap forward and perhaps not. I just know that 3-4 times a week I will continue to take this training one step at a time.