Saturday, December 31, 2016

New Year's Eve

I have been considering this year a lot, it has certainly been a rough one. I was thinking back on the past couple of years, and 2013 was certainly one of the most heartbreaking years.  However I was so optimistic that New Year's Eve, I could see all the ups and downs of the years and I was excited about what the future was going to hold.

This year on the other hand I am still in a bit of limbo.  I am excited about the future, but the future is still really foggy and out of focus.  Adam and I have been planting and nurturing lots of seeds, but nothing has quite started to sprout.  This winter the focus has very appropriately been about cleaning things out, taking inventory and being quiet.

Time is a strange thing, for me New Years Eve has kind of been about tying up loose ends of the year and looking forward to the presents of the New Year.  It is difficult to do that, because this year won't be tied up in a nice little bow, too much is still up in the air.  Too many process are still ongoing.  It is almost like I am getting a lesson on letting things happen in their own time instead of when my impatient self wants them too.

Even though a lot is in limbo and I am focusing on nurturing my little seeds there are still some great plants that bloomed this year.  I became more honest about my condition and pain level, I learned to better communicate with my doctors and other caregivers, I celebrated my ordination as a Daoist priest and I became a contributor to The Mighty.  Adam and I are learning to travel and explore while at the same time respecting what I need and despite dislocated bones, sleeping a lot and crying in airports we have come back with amazing memories.

We also said good bye to Sterling.  Adam and I go back and forth still between grieving and accepting.  That is still processing, we miss him so much.  However we are so grateful for the time he was with us and how much love he brought into our lives, that will continue on.

As I look towards 2017 and see the opportunities of moving, new jobs and new adventures, I trust that the future will begin to come into focus and Adam and I will get to open some great presents in the next year.

So where is my focus?  On patience and trust that everything is unfolding at the perfect time.  It has taken a lot of experience for me to really believe that and so I am grateful for this year of change and feeling stuck in limbo.  

Question of the Day:  Expand your focus into those fuzzy areas of your life, what do you want to create there?  Dream big and allow for the creativity to flow into that area that is not quite in focus.

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