Scarcity, this idea of not having enough, not being enough that plays in our subconscious. This theme that the media has lead us to believe can be satisfied by abundance, by buying things, by being more…. It is a pattern I struggle with, to remind myself that abundance does not balance out scarcity, that doing more will never equal me feeling like I am enough.
There are tools I have learned, the first is too look around and see if indeed there is something lacking, or something threatening. To come away from the stories that my mind spins and notice what is around me, find gratitude for what is around me and take some really deep breaths.
It is still a well worn pattern, in my nervous system, it can play like a record and it takes attention to notice the pattern, to break the pattern and when energy is really low to admit that I need to change the pattern. I get to a point with panic attacks, where I am so exhausted that it is easier to keep playing the record, but once I notice the record I need to break it. I need to apologize, I need to own up to my behavior and make an effort to change.
However this past week, resources felt scarce, or in some cases nonexistent. Things like food, water, shelter and medication became real issues. It started with concerns about medication, a delay that has turned into a number of weeks at this point. Which meant I took stock of my ‘emergency” stock, had to alter herb dosages and try to plan for the chaos that hit Houston. There was no way to plan, there was no way to predict how long we would be out of our apartment, and I had no way of knowing when I might receive a shipment of my bladder medication.
Eventually this has all lead to a full blown flare and my rescue medication has yet to ship. So the second time that Adam and packed up to evacuate we both realized we wanted to cry and yet at the same time we felt pretty numb. I started thinking about what is the way to balance this scarcity idea, belief? Because for me telling myself I am still enough when I am in pain and scared doesn’t break the pattern.
Resourcefulness is the way to balance it, to see what can be done, to understand that I have other methods of coping and helping myself. To understand that when someone offers you a bed and a shower it is not out of pity but compassion. To accept that people still love me and care for me, to understand that when I am afraid I am not thinking, there is a blessing of having people around me as a resource. Sometimes the resource is working on foundations and sometimes it is going to a friend and saying “help me, I don’t know what to do.” It is admitting that I am vulnerable and scared, that I am not thinking clearly and that has nothing to do with how weak or strong I am. It has nothing to do with what I will be able to do tomorrow, it is that moment that requires me to reach out to other people as a resource.
I hear the message everywhere and everyday that I am not enough, and someone offering a different way to “fix it.” There is no quick fix, relationships take time to build, trust takes time, resources take time and it takes time to learn new patterns in the nervous system. This week has been rough and the lessons are just beginning to come to the surface, but valleys bring fertile growth. As long as I am still here, there is time to stand back up and work on those resources again.
Question of the day: What is your response to scarcity? What methods do you use to bring yourself back into harmony?