Thursday, April 20, 2017

Year Three

Year three both started and ended with photos of Sterling, and it seems appropriate because the focus of that year was healing.  That little pup taught me so much about healing and brought me so much comfort.   He was my reminder to go easy on myself, and I rarely listened.  

It is really hard for me to just look at the theme of healing encompassing just that year.  Because as I was flipping through those pages something really stuck out to me, the pattern of achieving, of quickly getting over something and maybe not quite getting through something.

That year continued the travels heading to Amsterdam, Oregon, New Mexico, China and even back to Nepal.   I just wanted to keep going, and had no intention of stopping even when my body started screaming at me.  I started training for a half-marathon and eventually took a break because of my doctor's recommendations.  I found myself headed into surgery with an optimistic attitude that in six weeks I would be running again, the pain, the irregular bleeding and the worry would disappear.  I wanted my recovery to be miraculous.  However somewhere miraculous meant it had to be immediate to me and that was a one of my follies. 

Released from my doctor's care I started running again, and sped up my training because I had a half marathon to do.  I had to prove to myself that I was better, that my health was not as important as those goals.   So that third year ended with a trip to Yosemite and the beginning of the disillusionment that I had "healed."

The journey of that third year is not about redemption and victory.  The story isn't over, I am still in that arena of my health at the end of that year.  Sometimes things don't happen quickly or on that "miraculous" timeline that I was confused about.  However a number of years later, having lots of bums and bruises regarding my health, I can say that I finally get that my health is worth more then those achievements or short little victories.  I would not change those lessons, and I am still in that arena everyday of learning to heal, and be there for others.  Year three will continue for the rest of my life.  It wasn't a challenge to be completed in a year, it is a calling for the rest of my days, that is the miraculous recovery, embracing my health.  

Question of the day:  Why do we think we can come up with a better plan or timeline than God?

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