Tuesday, May 30, 2017

The importance of breathing



Ever have those moments that start to snowball?   That it starts to feel like everything is starting to go wrong and you start to believe it is just going to be one of "those" days.  

My moments started before I went to bed, while reading through some literature on medication, I noticed that the one medication I take everyday, the first thing I take as soon as my alarm goes off has peppermint in it.  I recently discovered a sensitivity to peppermint.

I just burst into tears, kicking myself, beating myself up for not noticing sooner.  It is a common thing, forgetting to ask if something is in food, and then having to face the reaction.   It is cause and effec; as much as I pay attention, as diligent as I try to be I make mistakes.   

Things started adding up through out the next morning, to the point where I had forgotten my water, my bladder diary and my notes for my doctor appointment.  I pulled into the parking garage and felt stupid, irresponsible and exhausted, and it was only 8:00 in the morning.

Immediately that little voice spoke up and said "well it is just going to be one of those days..."

I refused to believe this needed to keep snowballing.  I did the only thing I could do, I started taking some very deep breaths.  Silently telling myself to reset, to forgive and move forward.  

I wish I could say that it was a magic moment and my feelings of stupidity and irresponsibly went away.  I still felt that way, I still wondered if the doctor would refuse to give me treatment that day or if I would have to drive home and then back.  But those decisions were out of my control.

The importance of breathing is to remind me to keep moving forward, gently and remember that new treatments come with new stresses.  It brings me to the present moment, to look around and discover my resources.  I still got myself to the doctor, I am still showing up.  

Yes, the last couple of days I have been so exhausted that I have made decisions between eating or showering, between washing dishes or laying down on the couch, I feel like a mess, the apartment is a mess but one gentle step forward at a time with as many deep breaths as it takes to keep showing up.

Question of the day:  What is the reset button you need today, what will remind me you to be just a little gentler with yourself?

No comments:

Post a Comment