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Desire for measurements

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“I wish there was a way to measure pain;” my first thought as my alarm went off in the morning. It is there and I know it is there and sometimes I don’t think people believe it.  I wish I could explain to that doctor that when I screamed during the exam it is significant, that decades of practice of left me to be able to calmly discuss what I feel.  However measure my heart rate, take my blood pressure, look at the stress on my internal organs and maybe the medical world will see me and hear me. 
The idea and safety of being able to measure pain, of being able to say “see it is a ten,” bed day is totally justified.  Is a desire to give way my authority, it is a way of saying I don’t quite trust myself to know what it right for me today.  It is a desire to be safe from other people’s judgements and lack of understanding.  The scale doesn’t really make sense anymore, because it is not just the pain, it is the stress of normal life. 
Despite the pain and uncertainty Adam and I headed …